Looking back, there wasn't much joy in his face

I should have seen it sooner.  He wasn't joyful in Oregon either, and the whole trip seemed to be just more than he could bear.  I was broken hearted.  I had waited to do this since early 1990's when I dreamd big to try and heal my emotional hurt.  I was ready to leave and travel and all he wanted was to go home and be left alone.  How did we get to this place?  Would he be able to heal quickly, that we could find a happy medium.  

I was ready to lock up the house for 4-6 month, if not year round to go out on the road and see the county.  I had put all of these years into converting the cargo van into a camper that would meet our needs without breaking the bank.  All of our bills were paid and we could afford the gas to travel while being careful to cook meals in the van, and go cheaply.  I thought that not spending any more than just staying home plus a little gas would make it so Dean would be on board.  He was not.

I felt like I had made the trip a bad one by getting the eye problem and not being as fun as I could have been.  But with everything locked down, there wasn't much that could be done around that.  We would just travel home, let him rest and then we would have to take trips that only lasted a few weeks at a time and then I could let him rest at home in between.  Of course, I was still going to figure out a way up to Alaska this summer or next, and an upper New York trip where we could do all of the Sweet genealogy and find Amos.  It would just have to be postponed for a month or two.  Possibly next year.