Mom Turns 90 and Reality Sets In

As I reflect back on Mom's birthday with time spent at the ranch, where everyone could camp and get to spend time at the old ranch, and also time in Enterprise at the park, there were great times as well as some tough times.

Almost everyone made it to the party - but not Dean.  He is really struggling and just couldn't do it, so I came without him - something I am starting to get used to even though I don't appreciate it at all.

The kids all made it, though the stress level was pretty high.   We want to go and have some fun times together, but there is always drama. There is drama amongst my kids and there is drama with my Mom.  Nik mentioned that she was prepared to take off the first time Mom said anything negative.  I have never pushed her to come and be apart when she didn't want to because I did not want her to experience the terrible feelings I have when someone points out I'm not exactly a Barbie doll, like I should be.  

Jarad's hair was red, which I totally thought would bring about a sentence or two from Mom, but she held her tongue like a perfect lady.

I was feeling pretty beat up, but this is written long enough later that I don't remember what.  All of the kids did their own thing, Nik doesn't have a great need for me, and I felt totally alone and hurting as much as I have in a very long time - probably since my nervous break down in 1990.  My greatest joy that trip was when my little chauffeur Tanner took me for a ride up and around the pond.  He brightened my heart.  I ended up going into the van during the program because I couldn't stand up and talk, even pretending to be asleep when Carson came to get me.  Eventually I was able to pull myself together and come out for the slide show.  Devon wanted me to say something but quickly got the hint that I was not up to it.  He moved on without a hitch.  

 

Derby in Eagle Mountain

Blaine was excited for us to come and spend some fun time with them as a family and also attend the Derby.  We had a good turn out and had a fun time together.  But we were also starting to accept that Dean just wasn't up to doing noisy, crowded things anymore.  No one even tried to talk him into joining us, but rather he stayed in the house where it was still plenty noisy since it was 100 yards away.  

It was loud, warm, and dusty - everything you expect a derby to be.  All of the grands seemed to enjoy it, and when it got to be too much Blaine's house was easily accessible and if one of them got tired Grandpa was there and could keep them safe.  

All in all, it was a pretty sweet night.  I am really starting to have problems with my eyes since our Oregon trip, so the dust was not something I appreciated but love these times together.